Canada is a Collosal Fossil (big surprise)
Written by Robin Tress
The Fossil of the Day awards are a fun, satirical way to bring attention to countries who are obstructing success on climate action at COP. As far as I know, the award show has been running for 4 years, and at the end of every conference, there is a ‘Colossal Fossil’ awarded to the country who won the most fossil awards that year.
As you may be suspecting, Canada has won many a Colossal Fossil. In fact, we’ve won them all. Why? you ask? The answer is this: The Government of Canada is more interested in expanding the fossil fuel industry than in acting on the will of the majority and taking action on climate change.
This year, I have been bestowed the great shame of accepting the Colossal Fossil. In the spirit of spite, sarcasm and general frustration, I have crafted an acceptance speech fit for a king (albeit, a king whose kingdom involves destroying the planet one tailings pond at a time):
“Canada is getting pretty used to being in first place. This is yet another successful ‘own the podium’ campaign! First the Olympics, now the Fossils, I’m surprised anyone even competes against us anymore.
We’ve taken a balanced approach to climate change. Just add some tar sands oil, a little coal, sprinkle on some carbon capture and storage… It’s a beautiful thing.
Some people try to tell us that the tar sands are performance enhancing drug, but I don’t really agree. It’s more like a morning coffee – just a little boost, to the economy, and to the tankers, that gets us a little closer to gold. And who can say no to gold? That sweet, black gold.
There are some nay sayers out there who tell us “the tar sands are ruining the environment” and “people are dying” and “you’re causing more global warming.” To all you tar sands deniers out there, I say that’s not my problem. Let’s let the developing nations and future generations deal with that one. All I know is that we’ve got money in the bank and oil in the tank, and there is nothing wrong with that. We own the podium!”
As much fun as Fossil of the Day is, it would be a lot more fun for Canada to be a real leader and not receive any.